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| letting be Gary |
yea, spring 2021 |
| February 23 I had a revelation yesterday: This is finished. Your place in my life’s story is merely that interview meanwhile cubed by gravity. But here I’ll bring it around to its real and bizarre closure, which you may have guessed. Terese had an unwitting hand in Janna’s suicide. And J.R. was Kathryne Lindberg, whose insufficient appreciation of catkins refers to the last lines of Rilke’s Duino Elegies which was the inspiration for that “lovely trial” of winter 1974, which was forgotten by spring with Her, at last. Yea, dance of life. |
February 20 See?: I don’t forget you. I feel today more inclined to continue the story than I felt last month, but I’m still not ready to detail it. I’m tempted to share how bizarre the story became—to divulge the ending—but then I’d probaby lose desire to tell the whole story. It’s not just the destin-ation that one wants in traveling. It’s the novelty of the journey. I wrote the above without having re-read “love and gravity” again—not since November. I read it again now, and again feel that it’s a proper ending to all this. But the story does continue. I write to Terese via a blog that’s not searchable online (not configured to be open to search engines). The permanent disappearance of J.R. in 2010 continues to haunt me—truly: That’s not figurative. Even Janna is still “there,” in some sense that causes me feel at times as if she’ll turn up any moment. The woman at Johns Hopkins evidently is disillusioned now about my admiration for her work, because I wrote a defense of a philosopher that she expansively criticizes—even has her career dependent on that criticism—and she hasn’t responded. That could be because my view undermines assumptions of the book she’s writing. Or because this age of Zoom-based teaching gives a professor so little relaxed sense of time. Or it could be that I’ve so affected her thinking that she has shelved her book-in-progress, and just doesn’t know what to say. In any case, I’d be glad to be proven wrong about anything: my view of her criticism of that philosopher; my conjectures about lack of response from her for two months (earlier she responded quickly). Or, I’d be glad to be proven wrong about believing I have humility about my own pretentiousness. Anyway, we can agree that Gary is a master of verbosity. Terese loved to make fun of me for that, many years ago. I loved her raillery. |
January 23 I’m not ready to continue the story because I’m immersed in other projects. But I’m glad that this is here; and it will be continued. Calendaring the “update” date causes me to keep you and the extended wake of your place in my life near to mind. I do love remembering you. The story does become truthfully bizarre, so it’s worth continuing—just not now. I trust you’re in good health. I wish you a grand year. |
December 19 My Noveember 28 episode below seems to be an apt closure, for now. |
November 1 -|- reverent interview |
November 11 -|- meanwhile, part 2 |
November 14 -|- qwerky cubed |
| November 28 -|- love and gravity |